July 12th, 2005

time for an angsty post

i don't do this very often, 'cause i hate reading angst, be it my own or other people's, but i feel i should update, and this is sort of just what's going on right now.
my parents are fuckin' crazy. they've both lost it (though my mom is notably worse than my dad). ever since they split up, they've both been sinking deeper and deeper into their newfound neuroses.
my dad has been going out with his late best friend's wife (for background: my dad's best friend, allen, died about two or three years ago.) for about the last 4-5 months. i found out about this about a month ago, katie found out about 2 months ago, and my mom just found out about 2 weeks ago. now, granted, this is crappy for my mom, because she took the split really hard, and was good friends with felix (the woman my dad is now with). but my dad has done nothing wrong, and yet my mom will probably never speak to felix again. on top of this, between my parents splitting up resulting in my dad moving out officially, and me and katie leaving for school in the fall, my mom is going to be left alone in the house, and with that, and my family's crappy ass financial situation, she's making herself a shut-in. it's fucked up to watch. if she doesn't join a book group or something soon, i'm afraid she's gonna go nuts. and i've told her so (in the gentlest terms possible), but she doesn't seem to be getting significantly better.
as for my dad, he's a little better. he's recently (within the last year or so) discovered the words 'i love you' as they relate to his children. he's still really bad at it, and really awkward, but he's trying really hard, and it's nice to see now that he's finally happy. he's still got his problems, and he's still an angsty fucker (picture me when i'm old), but he's not depressed anymore, and that's so good for him. but the sad thing with him is, he never sees me and katie anymore. not that he did before, but as i said, in the last year or so, he's decided he cares what we do and what happens in our life, and he's decided he hasn't made enough of an effort as a father, and wants to be involved, and make up for it. but he sees us about once a month, for a few hours at the most, and he's getting really panicky about it. katie and i are going to his house tomorrow night for dinner, and he's expecting us to tell him all about our lives and what makes us tick, and all about everything, and it's just not gonna happen, and me and katie are gonna feel really bad.
like i said, my parents are crazy. and frankly, it's driving me and katie (by which i mean me, as katie doesn't really feel things) crazy too. fuckin' A.
  • Current Mood
    actually pretty good

fuck it

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